im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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