he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
i need some magic done to my vagina
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
