You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
