Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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