just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
