I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
