When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
