there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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