you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
