u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
