proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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