Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
