i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize