did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
