after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
