Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
