walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize