Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
