Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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