Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
