Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
