You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
