please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
