I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
