their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
