I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
