maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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