you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I think I just shit out all my problems.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
