new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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