Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
MIDGETS
????
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
