It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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