dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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