My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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