..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
