I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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