Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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