remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I met the friendliest cop last night
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
