So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Someone came in the potted fern
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
