god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
