I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
