I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
