Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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