remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
