shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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