Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize