me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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