Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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