This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
