I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
