see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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