...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
