Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
