i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
sarcasm needs its own font
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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