Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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