id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
