and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
why is half of my head shaved?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
