i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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