we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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