Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I can't put those talents on a resume
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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