I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
