OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize