I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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