I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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