Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
