Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
