He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
