it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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