so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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